I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
