I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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