I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
