thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
