At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
