I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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