How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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