I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even my vagina gasped.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
