you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
