My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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