Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
