Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
