i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
