The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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