I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
