I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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