Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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