before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
