I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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