People in love make me want to vomit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
