you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
