i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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