He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
