It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
