Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
