kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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