You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
