i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
