Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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