"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
