I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
