Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
