I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
