i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
