So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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