Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
