I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
