I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
