Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
