the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
