Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
