I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
