3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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