I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
