one word: firstdatebathroomanal
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
