If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
