Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
