She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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