tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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