If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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