i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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