mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
