areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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