ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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