My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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