You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
