I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
