Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
