I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
