You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
