Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.