Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.