Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.