He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
