If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY