She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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