My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
