i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
