True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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