I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My liver just had a heart attack.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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