And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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