remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
