Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
