fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
