Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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