I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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