Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
