Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
