the condom got lost in my hair
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
